Mystical Musings from Mind Witch Mama

It may surprise you to know that I routinely use all of the goodies that I make for you!

Seriously, though–I print out my creations, stick them in my grimoire, and go hog wild on a regular basis. This month, for instance, I performed the Radical Rebirth Ritual at the same time I was offering it up to the WISE ONES Coven. The ritual prep section includes a worksheet that asks three simple questions:

1) How do I want to feel today? 

2) What do I need today?

3) What do I want today?

When taken at face value, there’s nothing particularly special about these questions. In fact, they may seem so commonplace that it’d be tempting to gloss over them completely.

Don’t gloss over them, Beauty. If you answer them every morning like the ritual prep suggests, they become the key element in a freaking transformative practice.

I’ll admit that I wasn’t anticipating them to be as impactful as they were. Like, I didn’t expect that they’d completely upend my yearly intentions, but they did.

Here were my answers on the first morning:

1) Confident in the work I do and the choices and decisions I make

2) A break

3) To feel vibrant, talented, and desirable

And the second morning:

1) Compassionate, clear, and calm

2) Tolerance and understanding

3) Confident in my value and my intrinsic self-worth

And the third:

1) Confident in my true self

2)To feel joy

3)To have fun

And the fourth:

1) Calm. Confident. Wise. Loving. Accepting.

2) Patience. A clear mind. Tolerance.

3) To be in harmony.

The word “confident” appears every single time, and I have not cast a spell to support my confidence in the entire seven years I’ve been a witch. And I really had no idea that I need tolerance and understanding on a regular basis even thought that seems like a no-brainer. It was responding to these questions within the context of a single day–and not within the context of a lunar month or an astrological year–that made all the difference.

We often set intentions from the perspective of the person that we want to be. We immediately align with the Higher Self and channel our desires on its behalf. When we consider what we need on a particular day (with its very human demands, routines, and dynamics), however, we wake up to the simple shifts that our soul yearns to make. We realize that some small acts of magick can be very powerful indeed, and that sometimes all we need to do is tune in, be honest, and listen.

If you’re looking for a simple, transformative morning practice, consider answering these questions every day for a week. I promise you won’t regret it!

xoxo Jessi

We are taught that it is selfish to want what we want. That it is inconsiderate to create self-sustaining boundaries. That our thoughts and opinions are only welcome if they conform to, rather than deviate from, the norm. That it is better to “go with the flow” than speak our truth. That we must nip and tuck those bits of ourselves that others find troublesome or displeasing.

Pardon my French, Beauties, but screw that.

Each of us is here to play our unique role in the cosmic dance. When we deny that role to please others or to conform to the will of our shame, we spit on the sun of our souls and deny the universe her unique grace. I truly believe that the world wants us to align with the joyful delight of our personal genius, and the only way we can do that is by listening to the clarion call within before we defer to anyone or anything outside of us.

That’s why I’m inviting you to serve yourselves. Serve yourselves so you can serve others by proxy. It feels so good. If you’re in doubt, I challenge you to try it.

During the month of November, I answered a call by esoteric enthusiast Mitch Horowitz to devote myself to all that was nourishing, sustaining, and enriching for 30 days. This burst open a portal to delight that I was hardly expecting, and that portal made me realize how much I’d been ignoring my need for gentleness, lightness, and play. Once you realize that you truly deserve to feel good, your life changes in wonderful and exciting ways. I want to nourish and support that change in you, if you want it. I want you to feel as good as I’ve been feeling.

If you’d like to cast this simple spell, do the following:

STEP ONE:

On a piece of paper, write “I devote and dedicate myself to all that is nourishing, sustaining, and enriching for thirty days.” (This is the exact phrasing that Horowitz used, but you can switch it up to your liking).

STEP TWO

If you’re of the witchy sort, you may charge and activate your commitment in sacred space (get guidance for crafting a sacred space here).

STEP THREE

Set your commitment somewhere where you’ll see it every day. For deeper impact, make sure you read it a few times each morning for the whole month. If you’re able to do this, you will see transformation!

Depending on where you are in your journey, making this commitment may feel like a gentle nudge or an anxiety-flooded trust fall. Let me remind you that it’s okay to be afraid as long as you don’t let fear steer your ship. It’s okay to have doubts as long as you don’t let those doubts keep you from the joy, expression, and creativity that is your birthright.

So Much Love, and May You Serve Yourself Well!

Xoxo Jessi

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I want to tell you a story. In fact, I need to tell you a story.

It’s March of 2016. My daughter is nearly two. I’ve been reading tarot and practicing witchcraft for a little over a year now. My part-time position tutoring Chinese exchange students has fizzled out (no doubt a result of the company’s unethical practices, in my opinion). My husband is in the throes of addiction. I am frightened, hopeless, and desperate. 

I publish my very first blog post entitled “The Court Cards: Exploring Meaning Through Process.” It is both a first step and an act of self-reclamation. It is the seed from which my entire business has grown.

When I began, I knew nothing of algorithms, SEO, hashtags, marketing funnels. I’d barely used social media, truth be told. What I did know, however, was that I wasn’t alone–I understood that there were many like me who, despite the crippling weight of their struggles and challenges, refused to succumb. Many who were desperate for change, but didn’t have the tools they needed to facilitate that change so they could feel good about who they were and the life they were living.

I wanted to help them be happier. Healthier. Well-loving and well-loved. And if I’m being truly honest, I think I wanted to make it possible for them so I could believe it was possible for me, too.

After two years of tirelessly working to build its foundations, the biz finally began to gain traction. This success was not because my message or person is so exceptional that it spread like wildfire. This success is the direct result of consistency, strategy, and the development of business acumen. In short, I learned how to play the game.

 Over the course of this past year, however, it’s become clear that the game has begun to play me. The following excerpt is from a poem I wrote not three hours ago:

I cannot pretend that numbers are meaningless–

I follow them and they take me where I want to go

But my heart is crushed by their weight

It leaps into my throat when they fluctuate

They tell me what to think and what to create

And I thank them for this service.

Just as I knew it in 2016, I know now that I am not alone. I recently made an instagram/blog post entitled “The Month of No Makeup” where I shared my commitment to going bare-faced this January. A glorious cardslinger I’ve known for years now shared the following sentiment: 

“I never wear makeup and sometimes think that people don’t want to watch videos of me (though I have much to share) because my bare face is “inappropriate” or “unprofessional”… or maybe just unpleasant to look at. That’s some fuckity shit if you ask me.”

Yes, my dear. It is some fuckity shit. I’ve spent an insane amount of time tweaking things here and there in order to generate a larger response. I’ve compromised myself more than a few times to get the likes, to retain the audience, to avoid being cancelled or to encourage being propelled forward. And I don’t really think it’s the individual who’s driving these choices.

It’s the algorithm. 

It tells us what we’re supposed to like. It shows us what it wants us to see. It benefits from us thinking that who we are–without contortion or adornment–is “inappropriate” or “unprofessional.” It teaches us to be impatient, to have a shorter attention span, to expect a certain language or level of polish. And we bow to it because it tells us we aren’t enough and we believe it.

Even as I’m writing this I’m considering what I should title it so that you’ll click. I’m looking at the clock, counting the time that’s passed between now and when I started writing–definitely over the thirty minutes that the top folks claim you should spend writing a single newsletter. I’m wondering if I’m being to honest and sharing too much (it tends to scare people away). And I’m wondering if I’m doing what I fear most of all: torpedoing my business.

Tarot is a daily practice for me, and lately I’ve been repetitively asking myself variations of this question: “How can I resist the impulse to make my work marketable and instead trust in the value of my thoughts and talents so I can create work that serves my personal genius and integrity?” I pull different cards each time, but the message is the same:

Simply choose integrity over marketability.

There are certain pieces of art that linger with me long after I’ve drunken them in. The 1996 film Jerry Maguire is one of them (I know Tom Cruise is cancelled, but bare with me). After a kid makes the titular character feel like a heartless piece of shit, he stays up all night writing a mission statement called “The Things We Think, But Do Not Say.” Back in 2016, Cameron Crowe published the entire 25-page manifesto that he’d written for the movie, and it’s actually worth a read. Among the various pearls contained therein is the following:

Let us be honest with ourselves.

Let us be honest with them.

Forget the dance.

Focus.

This is me being honest with myself. This is me being honest with you. This is me forgetting the dance. This is me focusing.

I want you to know that between 80 and 90 percent of what I do in my business is done from a place of integrity. In other words, I haven’t been bullshitting you this whole time. I do actually practice what I preach and believe what I say.  It’s not what I’ve done up until this point that’s the problem.

It’s what I haven’t said. It’s what I haven’t done. It’s what I’ve shelved because experience has taught me that it wouldn’t be well-received. If what you put out there isn’t well-received for long enough, your venture collapses. This is the climate that the algorithm has created, and I don’t know that it’s changing anytime soon.

What I do know is that if we want quality, we have to invest in quality. If we want to save the world from this collapse, we have to make more mindful choices. If we want a better online experience, we have to resist being spoon-fed by the algorithm and go searching for goodness. If we want to feel vital and alive, we must veer off the path of least resistance. 

I’ve decided to title this newsletter “The Things We Think, But Do Not Say.” I don’t believe that this is the wisest choice. I do believe it’s the right one.

xoxo Jessi

A few days ago, I casually committed to wearing no makeup for one month. It wasn’t really something I put too much thought into; it arose organically and felt like a good “new year” experiment.

The night after I made this decision, I had two dreams about it. In the first, I was gathering with a large group for a photo. Everyone was completely glammed out, even my daughter! I was the only one wearing a simple dress and a plain face. I felt invisible and less than.

In the second, I was navigating my way to my first class of the school year. I couldn’t read my phone screen (you know how dreams are), so I didn’t know the room number. I did something I never did in my “actual” school years—I wandered through strange classrooms, scouring the space for signs that I belonged there. At one point, I went into the bathroom and was surprised to find that I looked nothing like myself. I had no makeup on, was wearing glasses, and had brown, pin-straight hair. When I finally found my class, I explained what had happened without shame and with a little attitude. Plain-faced me was actually more willing to take risks and make a fool of herself if it meant that she could find where she belonged.

I’m getting older. My wrinkles are deepening. My eye circles are darkening. The hair on my upper lip is growing darker too. All of these things make me uncomfortable, and it’s really for this reason that I’m going makeup-less not only in day-to-day life, but on my various platforms as well.

What will you think of my true face? Will you keep scrolling because it’s “just me,” naked and bare? Will your own fear of growing old and obsolete cause you to criticize the lines in my forehead and at the edges of my lips and eyes? Will I experience the “great disappearing” that so many middle-aged women experience?

I don’t know, but there’s only one way to find out.

Step One

I wake up before sunrise. If I’m lucky, the gentle glow of a still gleaming moon streams in through the skylight in my bedroom, painting a path to the door. I look at the time, roll out of bed, and slink down the steps to the kitchen. I do all of this without turning on a single light—I enjoy the challenge of feeling my way through the dark, of identifying my coffee mug by touch and pouring the cold-brewed coffee over my fingertips resting on the lip of the mug to make sure I don’t spill (a tip I picked up from a blind housemate ten years ago). I stick the mug in the microwave for one minute and forty-five seconds, and if the sun has begun to peek over the horizon, I stare out the window at the yellow-blue sky until the familiar “beep, beep, beep” of the microwave redirects my attention to the task at hand.

Commentary

This is how I get into ritual mindset—not by casting a circle, not by consecrating sacred space. This mundane beginning takes the pressure off and allows me to wake up before I direct my attention towards intentional acts of mindfulness. I can do this clumsily and groggily, and still, it has the same effect. I don’t want to psych myself out before I begin, so I do what’s easy over and over until it becomes routine. It’s like doing stretches before going for a run—I can mill about, let my mind wander, and prepare myself to concentrate without having to be immediately “with it”.

If you have trouble getting into the groove of a daily practice, I highly recommend beginning with something completely mundane. It’s makes practice much more fun, light, and accessible.

Step Two

I take my coffee back to my room and park myself on the round, purple meditation cushion in front of my altar. I light every candle in quick succession, replacing tealights as needed. Then I pull my constellation journal from its designated space, grab a blue “color Joy” pen from the holder and write the date in the upper-right hand corner of the next page.

Before I begin writing, I find Venus in the sky and greet her. She’s so large, cheerful, and brilliant at dawn, like a joyful gift slyly slipped into your pocket. I take a moment to stare at the city skyline, note the day’s first colors and whisper “red sky in the morning” if what I see reflects it. This morning sky scrying almost always leads me to reflect on the fragility of humanity, the boundlessness of its ambition, its tenuous hold on control, its refusal to stop and rest, and its overwhelming beauty despite everything.

Commentary

Since I commonly rise before the sunrise, sky scrying before my morning working is a fantastic way for me to connect with something outside of myself that’s haunting and beautiful and sustaining. It’s as if I’m immediately invited to show gratitude for everything glorious and miraculous in my life, and if that’s not a great way to start the day, I don’t know what is. Likewise, connecting with the constancy (for half of the year, at least!) of Venus every morning is wonderful. I look for her and there she is, smiling at me. It makes me feel loved, valued, and appreciated, which in turn makes it easier for me to love, value, and appreciate, all of which are major spiritual goals for me.

Step Three

If I’ve had a dream that I remember, I’ll pause from this reflection and begin writing maniacally. I’ll write down every detail I can remember, and I commonly remember more as I go along. When I’m finished, I’ll identify the main symbols (train, farm, tree, and salmon were the standouts from my most recent dream) and do my best to conjure up their correspondences. Then, I’ll reference my symbols sourcebook and fill in whatever gaps there are. Finally, I’ll develop a relevant interpretation. This process sounds dry and procedural, but it’s actually deeply engaging and I almost always discover something pretty damn profound about what’s going on in my psyche at the moment.

Commentary

Dream work is a practice that I’ve done off and on for twenty years now. I don’t always do it consistently because my brain is too damn good at it, and I don’t appreciate being woken up three times a night with a dream to jot down. I’ve recently begun setting the intention of remembering a dream only if it’s time to wake up, and it’s actually been working pretty well!

Almost every dream I interpret holds the key to a major revelation. I often leave the session with deep spiritual knowledge that I didn’t have before I began as well as actionable advice for addressing what needs to be addressed. Since I’m a magickal practitioner who is all about the idea that action supports magick, this is deeply valuable to me.

If you’re interested in doing some dream work, check out these past Patreon posts:

Exploring Dreams Through Active Imagination (video)

Exploring Dreams Through Active Imagination (ritual)

The Why’s and How’s of Dream Journaling (video)

Step Four

If I haven’t dreamt, I’ll offer up a prayer to the goddesses Brigid, Hekate, and the Morrigan. I’ll freestyle this prayer every morning, because I find it infinitely holier to speak from the heart than I do to recite a familiar petition (in all honesty, repetition is one of the main ways I activate spells, and connecting with deity is a much gentler, more fluid process for me).

After this prayer, I’ll ask Hekate to reveal a mystery to me. If she has one to reveal, she’ll take me on an astral trip that leads to some sort of deep, spiritual realization. It was she who first led me to the door of the garden of Eden, and it was she who first gave me the key (if you’ve listened to this month’s Wise Ones guided meditation, you’ll know what I’m talking about). Sometimes, this trip is as brief as a few minutes. Sometimes, it’s thirty minutes long—it depends on what’s being revealed and whether or not I’m interrupted by my daughter.

Commentary

Deity work is a huge part of my practice, and it’s something that I attempt to engage with on a daily basis. My guides are barometers, mirrors, counselors, gurus, and mystics who guide me on my journey, show me the universe, and help me to trust myself. They lead me out of paradigms of hopelessness and despair, so chatting with them promotes holistic wellbeing. I can’t really do much without it, so deity work is crucial!

Step Five

My morning ritual ends with tarot reading. Some mornings, it’s nothing more than divination done in the midst of morning pages. Sometimes I ask questions, and other times I let the archetypes tell me what they want me to know. If Hekate’s taken me on a trip and I’m pulling cards for greater understanding, I’ll interpret their messages as if they were coming from Hekate directly.

Commentary

Divination always paves the way for greater reflection for me. It’s really useful in helping me generate an overall “message” for the session as well as the actionable advice I alluded to earlier. If I feel like what I’ve discovered might be useful for the collective, I’ll share it via an Instagram story (this is relatively new, but it’s becoming more routine and commonplace). Divination is the bridge that leads to the totality of understanding that makes meaningful change possible.

In the past few months, I’ve only managed to miss this morning ritual twice. It’s so imbedded that I don’t even think about it; I find myself before the altar as if I were possessed, unable to remember precisely how I’d gotten there. It helps me prepare for the day ahead, and it’s profoundly increased my creative output as well as helped me open the door to greater compassion, both of which I set intentions for at the beginning of the year. This ritual has also given me permission to begin my day as myself—not as a mother, not as a wife, and not as a person in service. Because of this time, I’m better able to fulfill each of these roles as well as I always wanted to, but never seemed able to before.

So Much Love, and May Your Mornings Be Blissful!