Ever had one of those weeks that were anything but magickal?
The week was punctuated by doctor’s visits, insurance calls, over-the-counter drug administration, tossing and turning, and car repair quotes.
It’s hard to keep your spirit up when you feel like you’ve been hit by a Mac truck. And after the sixth consecutive day of waking up ill and exhausted, it’s hard to keep telling yourself that “this too shall pass.”
It’s in these moments that all the soul-work we’ve been doing is seriously tested, and sometimes it’s difficult to digest what these moments reveal to us–we’re not as invincible as we imagine. Even the best laid plans are subject to failure. There are simply some things we cannot control. And it doesn’t matter how tight you are with your guides–shit happens.
Upon waking this morning, I decided to do a little bibliomancy to help me recapture the magick and ease back into my routine. I reached for Fernando Pessoa’s A Little Larger Than the Entire Universe, one of my favorite collection of poems.
I took a deep breath and waited for the ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) to tingle up my spine and let me know that the moment was ripe to open to a random page and read the poem that the universe wanted me to read. And this is the message I received:
And following some contemplation, I arrived at this message: accept the cycles of your life, both good and bad. Don’t feel that you’ve been forsaken or that a bump in the road is meant to punish you. Don’t internalize hard times as a reflection of who you are intrinsically. You are not what happens to you. You are not the sum of your troubles (or of your triumphs, for that matter).
You are a human being having a human experience, and embracing the totality of that experience is liberating.
So what if you’ve had an off-week? Love that off-week for whatever pearls of wisdom it dropped on you and look forward to what the next week brings. If you’re tired, or ill, or hurting, don’t add more suffering to your plate by blaming yourself for not being healthier or more well-rested. Do what you can in the moment and take yourself as you are, right here and now. Were you unkind to a loved one? Did you let things fall apart? Are you somewhere different than where you imagined you’d be?
It’s okay. Really, it’s fine, even if it isn’t.
I challenge you to be okay with today, regardless of where you are. Regardless of the troubles mounting on your plate or the mislaid plans or the goals that have yet to be reached. Love your body. Love your wrinkles. Love what’s endlessly annoying about you–love it radically, love it even if you want to change it, love it even if no one else does.
Today, I choose to love that I complain about being sick. I choose to love that I haven’t been able to work this past week. I choose to love that I look like hell and that I’m so tired I’m having trouble seeing straight. I choose to love the dishes in the sink that may or may not get done. I choose to love the poem I’ve been meaning to write, but haven’t. I choose to love the tattered sleeve of my pajamas that I’m still wearing because the comfort they’re bringing me is everything right now, and I choose to love the sleet that’s pinging off of the windows.
This is a call for radical self-love. What can you love about yourself today?